The most important thing we do as human beings is communicate with one another. Without honest communication, we would have no idea what the other person is thinking or be able to fully express our thoughts ourselves. In essence, we would all be in the business of mind-reading, which is an inherently flawed skill at best.
I remember my mom telling me early on that “words matter.” Once you say something, it cannot be unsaid. Even if you apologize and/or make excuses, the imprint on another person’s brain is still there. And, sometimes, the repercussions can last for years or even a lifetime.
Regularly, I meet with a client who laments the lack of accountability in their work environment. My initial response is always, “We are what we tolerate.” I then explain to them the four reasons (in my experience) why things don’t get done:
Not only is it okay to disagree, but it should be encouraged. Our democracy is partially founded upon this basic principle. Our Founding Fathers understood that critical thinking is a societal imperative. However, how one disagrees is an entirely different story. Winning isn’t everything. How and why you win matters. Strive to elevate the level of discourse in your personal and professional dealings rather than lower it.
A conversation without listening is merely the exchange of two monologues. If we limit our exchange of information to what we already know or believe, we are limiting our capacity to learn, grow and have healthy relationships. Almost everyday you witness evidence of public or private figures that really have no interest in hearing what anyone else is saying. It has become practice to become intractable in your views and block out any contrary evidence. In reality, our society tends to reward brashness and poor behavior these days. Just look at who dominates the airwaves.
As you grow as a leader and start to have some success it’s important that you not get too full of yourself and remain somewhat humble. This is especially true as you begin to do more public speaking. While you certainly can, it’s not advisable to just say whatever is on your mind and believe you have all the answers. I’m often amazed how many people forget this fact. Otherwise smart people who have a lot to share with an audience kill their credibility with unwise or unnecessarily controversial statements. You have to know when to use your personal censor button.
Not every audience member is ready to hear what you have to say, but say it anyway if you believe in your message. Sometimes a little resistance is good. It forces you to work on your delivery and thought process. It also means you may be challenging conventional wisdom and forcing people to get outside of their comfort zone. A leader’s job is not to make everyone happy or validate individual misconceptions but to put a spotlight on the truth as he/she sees it.
When individuals are feeling overwhelmed or confused, they want simplicity. The more words you use, the harder this becomes. It is not about proving how smart you are on a given topic; it’s about ensuring that what you are communicating is registering.
In my experience, the best leaders become comfortable in a variety of work and social settings. They can adjust their style to meet the needs of their audience or conform to the group dynamics. They understand that a leader without a receptive audience is handcuffed in his/her ability to turn a vision into reality. People tend to connect with others whom they feel they can relate to.
While email and text messaging are effective communication tools, they are often inadequate vehicles for resolving conflict. Sadly, they can be used very effectively for instigating conflict. I have seen passive-aggressive behavior taken to new heights by individuals who don’t have to worry about the interpersonal dynamics of maintaining eye contact when talking to others or reading and responding to group body language and other visual cues. It’s easy to rail against someone from a distance.
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