I remember my mom telling me early on that “words matter.” Once you say something, it cannot be unsaid. Even if you apologize and/or make excuses, the imprint on another person’s brain is still there. And, sometimes, the repercussions can last for years or even a lifetime. There are many situations where I wish I had been more thoughtful rather than just blurting out what’s on my mind or giving a negative emotion a quick outlet. It’s easy to be lazy in our language, especially when we feel wronged, challenged, or underappreciated. It’s much harder to stop and think before we express something we may later regret. Mom also always said, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
When we hold a position of leadership, our word choice is even more critical. All leaders must make sure their communication is clear, truthful, and well-intentioned. Depending on your level of responsibility, you can positively or negatively impact large numbers of people. It’s not enough to say, “that’s not what I meant,” or “don’t take things so literally,” or “lighten up,” or “the ends justify the means.” You must consider your audience’s potential for misinterpretation or misuse. If someone works for you, then you are responsible for their actions while they are under your supervision. If you’re in the business of soliciting followers, then it is incumbent on you to channel their energy in constructive ways. Miscommunication is a poor excuse. The culture of an organization will always reflect the character of its leaders. And, character is manifested through both words and actions.
The media has been doing a poor job of holding people (including themselves) responsible for their language choices. We casually use and accept words like “traitor,” “coward,” “evil,” “criminal,” “corrupt,” “unethical,” and “crooked” without examining their accurate definitions or justifications. They are okay with the definition if it sparks controversy and generates advertising revenue. Instead of the communicator being held liable for what they say, the targets of the offensive communication are often forced to defend themselves and respond in kind. Fact-checking is a good thing! It doesn’t seem to matter when public figures regularly lie or misrepresent the truth. Many people fail forward, saying whatever is necessary to keep up their momentum, regardless of the consequences. This approach has become a slippery slope, making it increasingly difficult for people of different perspectives to find common ground.
None of us are perfect. The more a spotlight shines on you, the more susceptible you are to the appearance of your flaws. This is unfair, but it is reality. Moreover, the spotlight rarely falls on people who aren’t actively seeking it in the first place. We are all responsible for what we say and how we say it. We can use language that brings out the best in others and ourselves, or we can communicate in a way that is divisive and catalyzes a targeted negative response. We can manipulate facts or seek the truth. Even in disagreement, we can move towards understanding and resolution or further deepen the personal chasm between us and someone else. It’s all a matter of choice, and the words we choose do matter.