Whenever you get a disproportionate angry response from someone, there is usually something else deeper going on. People don’t normally go from 0-60 emotionally in a noticeably brief time span unless they are already vulnerable and/or irritable to begin with. Moreover, although you may be the target of their invective, they may be trying to […]
Anger is a part of life. Everybody gets angry sometimes. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t access all of your emotions occasionally. However, I highly encourage you to pay attention to your dominant emotions. If you start the day in a bad mood and it only goes downhill from there, then what did you expect to happen. If you are too easily negatively triggered by the actions of others, then why should you surprised when people disappoint, annoy or avoid you. More often than not, we create the conditions under which we operate. Personal energy is infectious. Everyone we interact with is only feeding off the energy we put out. Just experiment with frowning all day and smiling the next. You will see a big difference. How are you showing up every day? What impact are you having on the people around you?
I don’t remember growing up in a fearful society, but I feel like I live in one now. All you have to do is turn on the TV, listen to the radio, read the newspaper and eventually someone will be trying to scare you about something. We all seem so emotionally fragile and quick to identify an enemy or cause for our concern. The news media has perfected this art so well that they have helped to perpetuate a more neurotic generation in a time when just about every violent crime statistic is down significantly or at minimum on par with what existed when we were children (and our population has grown significantly during this time). As the saying goes, if it bleeds than it leads.”
Today I received some very disturbing news. It was information that would make anyone angry. There is nothing worse than betrayal especially when you have a long history with someone and have trusted them. It never ceases to amaze me how people will rationalize their behavior and not take personal responsibility. The fact is that actions do have consequences and sadly there is often collateral damage to an individual’s behavior that can linger a lifetime and affect many people. A pebble will cause a ripple in the ocean whether the act is good or bad – it is important to always remember this.
It’s sad how often fear rules individual lives. You can’t blame people for being afraid. Just about every commercial and news program preys on these fears on a daily basis. When you scare people by tapping into their fears it is easy to manipulate them. I just heard a radio commercial where the financial advisor was basically warning of a financial Armageddon in the next 12 months. What irresponsible nonsense! I simply changed the channel in disgust.
Don’t be so quick to rush to judgment. It is sad how much self-righteousness, anger, fear, jealousy and resentment lurks beneath the surface of society today. It takes very little for the media to create a feeding frenzy where everyone jumps on the bandwagon and denigrates another human being. Even though in this country we have a standard of innocent before proven guilty, the court of public opinion often makes up its mind before it has all the facts or evidence. And, guess what sometimes it is wrong – just ask Dr. Steven Hatfill or Dominique Strauss-Kahn.
There is nothing more distasteful to employees than a boss who has no control over his/her emotions. People look to their leader to lead with confidence and resoluteness not to “suffer the slings and arrows” of their emotional ups and downs. Of course there will be adversity and disappointment – that’s part of the job (and life in general). However, what separates great leaders from everyone else is that they actually get cooler under pressure and have an unflappable nature about them when things go wrong.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn as an adult is the importance of “letting go.” When life gets hard or you feel wronged or things don’t go your way it’s easy to harbor resentment and anger. The problem is that unless you are careful these emotions can well up inside you and become part of your identity. Its one thing to have a brief period of grief or bitterness it’s quite another to let it define you.
When I was a young boy my mother used to say to me when I was angry (which wasn’t very often) to count to ten before saying or doing anything. There mere fact of pausing before you act or say something out of spite is quite a useful tool. Sometimes we just want to respond or act immediately to what’s been said or done to us without thinking first. Our first instinct is to fight back or lash out. Unless you are in physical danger this is often a bad idea.