How you manage your anger will have a significant impact on your relationships and your life.
Count To Ten Before You React
When I was a young boy, my mother used to say to me when I was angry (which wasn’t very often) to “count to ten before saying or doing anything.” The mere fact of pausing before you act or say something out of spite is quite a useful tool. Occasionally, we want to respond or act immediately without thinking first. Our initial tendency is to react aggressively or even violently. Unless you are in physical danger, this type of response is often a bad idea. Taking time to step back and reflect can go a long way. Cooler heads can and should prevail. If you are in a leadership role, it’s essential to be perceived as someone who has control over their emotions. People expect you to have a stable and unflappable persona. At a minimum, you are supposed to be the mature adult in the room. In your personal life, you will avoid many relationship landmines by not always “taking the bait” when others trigger you emotionally. It’s best to maintain a sense of perspective and avoid turning everything into a big deal or an intense conversation. Sometimes people slip up, or they are tired and not thinking, and need to be cut some slack. While email and texting certainly have many communication positives, they are a poor way to deal with conflict.Email Is Poor For Handling Conflict
In fact, one could easily argue they create more conflict. You can’t take the personal out of interpersonal communication. Having to look another person in the eye, read their body language, or at least hear their voice prompts you to reflect on your words and how you come across. When you can press the send button and move on to other things without immediate feedback or consequences, you are more likely to write things that you may later regret.The 24-Hour Rule
Several years ago, a mentor of mine told me to practice the 24-hour rule with email. When you want to send something out of anger or frustration, sleep on it and think it through first. Things often look different in the morning, and you have had some time to cool down. I try but don’t always obey this rule, and when I don’t, I usually regret it. Anger is a basic human emotion that we all experience on a semi-regular basis. What is important is how you manage it when it happens. Before saying what immediately comes to your mind (or worse), pause, take a deep breath, count to ten, and think before you talk (or email). Life is challenging enough without making it unnecessarily difficult for others, including yourself. No matter how long you live, it is still wise to heed the advice of your mother.Related articles
- Dealing With Anger (capacity-building.com)
- If You’re Angry More Often Than You’d Like To Be, Maybe The Problem is You (capacity-building.com)
- Be Wary of Angry People (capacity-building.com)
- Always Followed By Regret (pastelmoon.wordpress.com)
- temper controls (kennekeneso.wordpress.com)
- Anger is a Stop Sign (psychologytoday.com)
- Anger Management: How to Keep Your Temper in Check (everydayhealth.com)
- How to Handle Anger (socialpoweredcontent.com)
- Learn how to control anger before it controls you (angermanagementskill.wordpress.com)