Leadership Thought #382 – Dealing with Anger
Anger is a part of life but must be managed.
Today I received some disturbing news. It was information that would make anyone angry. Few things feel worse than betrayal, especially when you have a long history with someone and have trusted them. I am constantly amazed by how people rationalize their actions and refuse to accept personal responsibility. The fact is that actions do have consequences, and sadly, an individual’s behavior often causes collateral damage that can linger a lifetime and affect many people. A pebble will cause a ripple in the ocean; whether the act is good or bad, it is essential to remember this.
The question you must ask yourself when this happens is, “What can I do about it?” Unless you are the police and the actions are illegal, you can’t control the behavior of another adult. People have and will continue to act in thoughtless, self-centered ways. This is especially true of the “me” generation, which elevates the wants and needs of the individual over the common good. All you need to do is open the paper or listen to the latest neighborhood gossip to find countless examples of bad or questionable behavior.
Unfortunately, getting angry for any prolonged period often hurts the victim much more than the perpetrator. The latter gives the matter little thought after it happens, while the former may spend years in therapy. Many books on personal development will tell you that you need to reach a place of forgiveness to heal and move on. I’m not sure I fully agree with this advice, although I think reaching a place of acceptance is important. As part of this journey, you should experience your feelings robustly instead of minimizing them or feeling bad about having a human reaction to a difficult moment in life.
However, once you’ve allowed yourself to “feel,” you eventually need to find a way to move on. Do your best to avoid a revenge mentality. You can’t let the person who is the cause of your anger or emotional pain win. You need to be better than that. The universe works in mysterious ways, and I believe in “karma.” All of us must live with the consequences of our actions. Positive energy begets further positive energy, and negative energy does the same. We can choose to accelerate the positive and decelerate the negative, or do the opposite. It is all up to us.
David Whyte has a great quote where he says, “Never allow yourself or another person to define you in a way that is too small for you to live.” I wholeheartedly agree with this bit of wisdom. Prolonged or unchecked anger only leads to a narrow definition of who you want to be. It is harmful to the psyche, damaging to the soul, and detrimental to your physical health. What should you do with your anger? Experience it, accept it, and push yourself to become a better, not bitter, person because of the experience. If necessary, seek professional help. It may be challenging to deal with, but the alternative is not a healthy way to live.
Related articles
- What I’ve Learned from Life…Anger is Pain in Disguise (velindapeyton.com)
- How Do You Manage Your Anger? (coalitionofpositiveenergy.com)
- How to Stop Being Angry (lifehack.org)
- The Upside of Anger: 6 Psychological Benefits of Getting Mad (sott.net)
- Anger Management: How to Keep Your Temper in Check (everydayhealth.com)
- Learning from Behavior (rekindledflame.wordpress.com)
