I recommend slowing down, paying attention, and immersing yourself fully in the present moment of whatever activity you are engaged in. Additionally, take the time to fully understand an issue before rushing to judgment. Let strategy drive tactics, not the other way around. Listen more intentionally and talk less. Prioritize your activities and focus on what is most important.
As one of my colleagues is fond of saying, “The conversation is not about the relationship; the conversation is the relationship.” It doesn’t matter whether there are two people or twenty in the room. None of us wants to feel less important than someone else. We want our voice heard. It is only logical that people tend to listen to others who they think are genuinely trying to hear them.
The ability to listen is an essential leadership skill. Over the years, I’ve noticed that inexperienced or mediocre leaders often feel the need to dominate all conversations. It’s as if only their opinion matters, and what others say is worthless.
Leadership requires a thick skin. It certainly has its ups and downs and can test anyone’s emotional fortitude. However, this is precisely the reason why so few people can do it well. If you take every small slight and failure personally, the job will eat you alive.
Most people I know are not good at listening. They prioritize their thoughts and opinions over actively listening to others. I have a colleague who states that, as a leader, you need to “listen until it hurts,” and I agree with him. How well we believe the other person heard us determines our level of satisfaction after a conversation.
When individuals are feeling overwhelmed or confused, they want simplicity. The more words you use, the harder this becomes. It is not about proving how smart you are on a given topic; it’s about ensuring that what you are communicating is registering.
Regardless of your role in the organization, I encourage you to make a concerted effort to ask more effective questions. Don’t take intellectual shortcuts or cover up a lack of knowledge with simple head nodding and acquiescence. Don’t let your pride or ego get in the way of fully understanding what you need to know to be successful in your role.
I understand the need for people to take a mental break, but this shouldn’t be a lifestyle choice. When media programming preys on your vulnerabilities, stokes your fears, and deliberately misinforms you and/or distorts the facts, there is something wrong. Even worse (in my humble opinion) is when what you are watching or reading “dumbs down” your perspective on things and acts more like “brain candy” (which is defined by the Urban Dictionary as an enjoyable experience because it stimulates the mind pleasantly but doesn’t actually make it work)…
When you are a leader or manager, part of your job is to listen until it hurts. You need to force yourself to pay full attention to what the other person is saying and then ask clarifying questions to make sure you fully understand them. It’s essential to pay attention to body language and tone, as well as spoken words. Both provide clues as to what is important to that person.
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