Life comes down to the quality of your relationships, especially the close ones.
I watched an intriguing movie last night called The Way. Emilio Estevez wrote and directed it and stars his father, Martin Sheen. In the film, a straitlaced, taciturn father must cope with the loss of his 40-year-old, free-spirited son. The tragic event took place while he was beginning a spiritual trek on “The Way of St. James” or “Camino de Santiago,” which is an 800-kilometer pilgrimage (hike) through France and Spain to the burial place of Saint James. The father decides to complete his son’s journey and learns a lot about himself and life along the way. As with most of his acting roles, it was a powerful and thoughtful performance by Martin Sheen.
Sadly, the last words between the father and son were not positive. The relationship was strained, yet it remained important because they relied on each other after losing the wife/mother. These two independent-minded people clearly needed each other but couldn’t find a way to make peace with their differences. It’s sad how much damage pride, judgment, and misunderstanding create in life. It’s important to remember that what has been said in anger or frustration can’t be taken back. Physical and emotional wounds, unless adequately treated, tend to heal slowly and scar badly. Life is not a Hollywood movie, and there is no assurance of a happy conclusion.
Love means accepting the other person for who they are and not trying to mold or change them into who you want them to be. As a family member or close friend, your job is to be there for them when they stumble and/or need encouragement and support. People are individuals and eventually must chart and follow their journey. Never knowingly make it too hard for someone close to you to be their authentic selves around you. Trying to persuade another adult to live as you do only breeds resistance and weakens the bond. Furthermore, unless their actions put themselves or others in danger, who are you to pass judgment? Many of us make hasty judgments.
In our current world of rampant divorce and disposable adult relationships, unconditional love is difficult to come by. Still, it should be the rule, not the exception, between parent and child. It is our responsibility as parents to provide our children with a moral and ethical foundation that will enable them to effectively navigate the complexities of life. We also should encourage their independence and self-confidence to be true to themselves, especially when the path is not easy. The reality is that our kids will grow up, make their own choices, and deal with the consequences. When things don’t go as planned or they stumble, we can make it hard or easy for them to reach out to us and share the mutual experience of being human. My favorite quote from the movie is “…you don’t choose a life, you live one.” Both time and relationships are finite. There is nothing any of us can do to change this fact. However, while we are here and connected, let’s try to make the most of the experience and minimize our opportunities for remorse and regret before it’s too late.
Related articles
- Making “The Way” His Way | A Catholic World Report Interview with Emilio Estevez (insightscoop.typepad.com)
- The life we live and the life we choose (responsiveuniverse.wordpress.com)
- The Way (smallscreenreviews.com)
- El Camino Santiago – The Way (squisheddiorama.com)
- The Way (mahdeewoods.wordpress.com)