Leadership Thought #214 – Communication Is An Interpersonal Activity, Especially When It Comes To Conflict

Leadership Thought #214 – Communication Is An Interpersonal Activity, Especially When It Comes To Conflict

While email and text messaging are effective communication tools, they are often inadequate vehicles for resolving conflict. Sadly, they can be used very effectively for instigating conflict. I have seen passive-aggressive behavior taken to new heights by individuals who don’t have to worry about the interpersonal dynamics of maintaining eye contact when talking to others or reading and responding to group body language and other visual cues. It’s easy to rail against someone from a distance. It is also common to misinterpret the intentions behind the message and draw potentially flawed conclusions.

It is professionally unnerving how quickly conflict can escalate online. I’ve seen people destroy careers and business relationships in a matter of minutes. Once you hit the send button, it is impossible to take something back. In addition, if you have copied everyone on the periphery of the issue, it now becomes a group issue, which further complicates the problem and usually annoys the other parties involved. Interestingly enough, people who try to rally others to their perspective in an online debate often end up alienating as many colleagues as they convince.

Many experts have told me that most of our communication is received non-verbally. The words and content are certainly important, but as human beings, we are hardwired to read the other person’s body language, tone of voice, and situational dynamics as a more accurate barometer of what is taking place and a better gauge of the health of any given relationship. If you remove these elements from the dialogue, we are left confused and often a bit defensive about what someone else is really trying to convey. As a result, our personal and professional insecurities often lead us to draw negative rather than positive conclusions.

I advise my clients to have a “No Email/Text Messaging Conflict Policy.” Non-verbal communication tools should be used for information gathering and dissemination purposes only, not to encourage constructive dialogue or manage conflict. I also believe that copying other people on emails should be used sparingly and only with their consent. Email and text messaging doesn’t hold people accountable. Employees choose accountability and professionalism for themselves. Those who don’t will only use any vehicle available to deflect responsibility, shift blame, and criticism.

It’s common for coworkers in the same building (and often on the same floor) to avoid walking over to a colleague’s desk or office and speaking with them directly. This does not increase efficiency, but instead creates unnecessary friction and hinders shared responsibility and team building. It is also perpetuating social laziness. I understand that global companies or businesses with multiple offices often lack the flexibility to foster face-to-face communication on an ad hoc basis. However, the phone still works, and you can use video or teleconferencing tools. Communication with someone is an interpersonal activity, and you can’t take the “personal” out of it.

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