The Coaching Habit
The Coaching Habit – Michael Bungay Stanier
Why this book matters
Most leaders think they’re coaching. They’re not.
They’re giving advice. Solving problems. Jumping in too quickly.
I’ve seen this pattern for years. Smart, capable leaders who unintentionally train their teams to depend on them. It feels efficient in the moment. It’s costly over time.
Michael Bungay Stanier offers a better way. Simple. Practical. Repeatable.
Less advice. More questions.
That’s the shift.
The Core Idea: Stay Curious a Little Longer
If you take one thing from this book, it’s this:
“Tell less. Ask more.”
Most leaders move to action too fast. They hear a problem and jump to a solution.
Stanier pushes you to pause.
Stay curious. Just a little longer.
That space—between hearing and fixing—is where better thinking happens.
The Seven Essential Questions
The strength of this book is its simplicity.
Seven questions. Used consistently. That’s the system.
1. The Kickstart Question
“What’s on your mind?”
Start here. Open, broad, and focused.
It invites the real issue—not the rehearsed one.
2. The AWE Question
“And what else?”
This might be the most powerful question in the book.
People rarely give you the full picture the first time.
Ask this. Then ask it again.
You’ll be surprised what shows up.
3. The Focus Question
“What’s the real challenge here for you?”
Now you narrow it.
Not the general problem.
Not the organizational issue.
For you.
That shift creates ownership.
4. The Foundation Question
“What do you want?”
Simple. Often avoided.
Clarity here prevents wasted effort later.
5. The Lazy Question
“How can I help?”
Direct. Honest. Efficient.
It keeps you from assuming—and forces the other person to think.
6. The Strategic Question
“If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
This is where discipline shows up.
Every decision has a cost.
Most people don’t think about it.
7. The Learning Question
“What was most useful for you?”
Close the loop.
Reinforce learning. Build awareness.
This is how coaching compounds.
Advice Is Overused
Here’s the uncomfortable truth.
Your advice isn’t as valuable as you think it is.
It creates dependency.
It limits ownership.
It shuts down thinking.
Coaching does the opposite. It builds capability.
That’s the job.
Build the Habit, Not the Moment
Stanier is clear. This isn’t about occasional coaching sessions.
It’s about daily conversations.
Small moments:
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Quick check-ins
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Short conversations
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Real-time questions
Do it consistently, and it becomes culture.
Miss it, and nothing changes.
Tame the Advice Monster
We all have it. That internal voice wants to jump in and fix things.
Stanier calls it the “Advice Monster.”
You don’t eliminate it.
You manage it.
Pause. Ask a question instead.
That’s the discipline.
Coaching Builds Better Teams
When leaders coach effectively:
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People think for themselves
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Accountability increases
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Confidence grows
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Decisions improve
You create a team that doesn’t need you for every answer.
That’s the goal.
Practical Takeaways
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Replace advice with questions
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Use the seven questions consistently
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Slow down your response instinct
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Focus on the person, not just the problem
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Build coaching into everyday conversations
And this matters.
Practice. It will feel unnatural at first.
That’s how you know you’re doing it right.
Reflection Questions
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How often do you jump to advice instead of asking a question?
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Which of the seven questions would improve your conversations immediately?
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Where are you unintentionally creating dependency on your team?
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Do your people think for themselves—or wait for direction?
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When was the last time you stayed curious long enough to learn something new?
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What would change if you coached more and told less?
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Are you building capability—or just solving problems?
Answer those honestly. Then adjust.
Media & Related Content
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Michael Bungay Stanier – Coaching Talks & Workshops
Practical, engaging, and highly actionable. Focused on real-world application.
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Box of Crayons (Stanier’s Company) Resources
Tools and programs built around these principles. Strong extension of the book.
(No major film or documentary adaptations tied directly to the book.)
About the Author
Michael Bungay Stanier is a leadership coach and founder of Box of Crayons, a company focused on helping organizations build coaching cultures. He’s known for making coaching practical and accessible—something leaders can actually use day to day.
He simplifies without diluting.
That’s rare.
Final Thought
You don’t need better answers.
You need better questions.
Ask them. Then listen.
That’s where the growth happens.
