People are complex, especially when under duress. I am always hesitant to provide simple answers to complex questions. Not because there are never simple answers that suffice, but because it often shows a lack of respect for the person in need of help. Before you offer guidance to someone, it’s essential to take some time to understand the specifics of their situation and why they feel a certain way. Telling someone to be strong and not fearful is silly advice in these times of Coronavirus. It may diminish their feelings, and even worse, it may make them feel weak and unable to meet the challenge. Sure, some individuals benefit from a “kick in the pants” and a “toughen up” speech, but not everyone. COVID-19 is not deterred by bravery.
People have different capacities to handle fear, risk, and uncertainty. And this should be okay. No one has the market cornered on proactive, positive, and courageous behavior. We all “feel” things to varying degrees. Sometimes, we may be a source of strength to others. Other times, we might need a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on. If you think you’ve got it all figured out, then good for you, but that would put you in a small minority of human beings. Just remember that life has a way of testing our conceits.
Often, all someone needs you to do is listen without judgment. To be empathetic with their plight (whatever that may be). Simply by expressing their feelings, they may feel better, possibly even validated. No one wants to feel “less than” or incapable in a moment of personal crisis. They want encouragement, friendship, and yes, even love. The world can seem a scary place, and if courage were easy to come by, more people would consistently exercise it.
It may be an overused concept, but what we can control is our own actions, especially if we are in a position of leadership. Even when you feel out of your comfort zone, you can do your best to demonstrate the actions/behaviors that are most needed in difficult situations. However, this needs to be authentic. It’s okay to be human (yourself). Letting them know you are also worried is an effective way to help them adjust to the new reality. Accepting reality and our initial emotional response to it is part of the human journey and a sign of maturity. You simply cannot linger there. In a crisis, it is positive action, not emotion, that will determine your success or failure.
While no leader possesses all the answers, it is crucial to persistently pose questions that foster progress and drive innovation. Involve others in the solutions process; they may surprise you with their adaptability and success. People also need to hear from you that you accept and believe in them despite their human frailties. What they mostly need to feel is that, together, we as a company, team, group, and family can navigate whatever comes our way collectively.
Throughout history, small groups of individuals have achieved remarkable feats despite overwhelming obstacles. I am certain that they were frightened at times. They probably had a range of natural emotional reactions to what was happening. I doubt the leaders of these groups were completely self-assured. Yet, somehow, they figured out a way to work through it. And so shall we. I think the difference was allowing each other to be human while channeling their collective energy and talents into positive action. It’s not fear; it’s what you do with it that matters.
The best leaders don’t make others feel weak or incapable. They embrace their humanity while accepting the different emotional capacities of those they lead. They don’t offer simple, trite answers to complex situations. They assess their environment and proceed step by step toward a better place, despite their weaknesses. They make you feel safe, then expect you to be your best self. They care about their people. With the right leadership, we can effectively handle any challenge, including COVID-19.