I am regularly surprised by the lack of conversational courage in professional circles these days. Not every conversation ends up with a positive outcome. Occasionally, you must deliver disappointing information. You may even have to let someone go or terminate their employment. You may need to inform a vendor that you’ve decided to work with someone else. All of this is part of doing business. Every relationship eventually hits a bump in the road. The sooner you address it, the higher the likelihood you will fix it or ensure it ends well. At a minimum, never burn a bridge by treating someone badly. And, yes, silence and non-responsiveness are ill-treatment.
I honestly believe that when I started my career way back in the late 1980s, bosses did a much better job of communicating bad news. Nowadays, with the advent of platforms such as LinkedIn, Slack, text messaging, and endless emails, there is always the excuse that the information was overlooked or the individual in question was simply overly busy. It also makes it much easier to hide from the consequences of cowardly behavior. In my experience, the “busiest” person is often the least effective. With so many options for communicating, there is little excuse for not doing so. Have the conversation and move on. It really is that simple. To get it right, try to see things from the other person’s perspective before speaking.
Conversation avoidance is bad business etiquette. In a social climate where our stress is high and uncertainty is real, we must be honest with each other about fundamental relational issues. Of course, no one likes to receive bad or disappointing news. However, it’s a part of life. It’s wrong to ghost someone you agreed to meet or talk to. What is okay is making a different decision or no decision at all, but then communicate it. Please don’t leave the other person with false hope or force them to reach out multiple times with no success. One day the shoe could be on the other foot—remember that.
I’m unsure whether it’s a lack of basic manners, emotional discomfort, or both. I certainly understand the need to screen unsolicited emails and communications. If a stranger contacts you without your asking, it’s their responsibility to follow up or accept your silence. On the contrary, if you have reached out to that person or exchanged emails with them regarding a mutual opportunity or engagement, then it is unacceptable to simply ignore their emails or fail to follow up. You can also respond to a business introduction by simply saying, “Nice to meet you, but it’s not a suitable time for me right now, so I will have to politely decline.” You’re never too busy to be professional and demonstrate good manners. And guess what, professional circles are small, and you will inevitably run into that person again. Why make things awkward that don’t have to be that way?
I also believe we don’t do people any favors when we avoid performance conversations. If you are dissatisfied with the service you are receiving, please inform the vendor or partner. People can’t resolve problems they aren’t fully aware of. And, to assume your business partners are mind readers and should know what you’re thinking is professionally immature. I’ve had far too many colleagues and clients tell me that one of their key partners just dropped them unexpectedly with minimal or no advanced warning. This then sometimes ends up creating a crisis for them, which would have been entirely avoidable if there had been better communication. Something as simple as giving someone a “heads up” can make all the difference in their ability to respond to an adverse event. All professional relationships eventually come to an end in some way, shape, or form. Since we are all aware of this, why not handle it better and respect the previous good work you did together?
When it comes to employees, performance conversations avoided or ignored never lead to better outcomes. If you don’t address issues, they won’t improve. If you expect someone to leave the organization on their own initiative or miraculously improve their performance without receiving any feedback from you, I believe you are engaging in a form of leadership fantasy. There are no perfect employees or bosses. The only way to overcome our imperfections is to have the courage to address what’s broken to see if you both can fix it. Sometimes the solution is unfixable, yet we can still handle it with honesty and fairness. Good people may not be a suitable fit for a role, or they may struggle to adapt to it. Please treat them with respect in this situation and refrain from making it a personal matter. It’s a foolish management strategy to let them hang on until you lose patience or something catastrophic happens.
Things begin to unravel gradually, then abruptly. The divisiveness in our country and society is due to our inability to communicate differences of opinion and deal with relationship discomfort. In an adult-to-adult relationship, we continually discuss our mutual expectations, ensure we are fulfilling our responsibilities, and address any existing gaps. Leadership is never about doing what’s easy. Leadership is about doing what’s hard and what’s right. If you are avoiding conversations or ignoring follow-ups with someone, this says more about you than it does about them. You are also setting yourself up for similar treatment in the future because poor behavior has a way of coming back at you. Do the right thing. Have a conversation. Be polite. Be honest. Be professional. Demonstrate empathy. Be a leader!