Leadership Thought #444 – If You Are Angry More than You’d Like To Be, Maybe The Problem is You
Anger is a part of life. Everybody gets angry sometimes. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t access all your emotions occasionally. However, I highly encourage you to pay attention to your dominant emotions. If you start the day in a bad mood and it only goes downhill from there, then what did you expect to happen? If the actions of others easily trigger your anger, why are you surprised when people disappoint, annoy, or avoid you? Often, we create the conditions under which we operate. Personal energy is infectious. Everyone we interact with is only feeding off the energy we put out. Just experiment with frowning all day and smiling the next. You will see a significant difference. How are you showing up every day? What impact are you having on the people around you?
A colleague I work with introduced me to the fundamental coaching question, “How’s it working for you?” It is a simple but profound question. If you do not like the results you are getting, then try something different. You get nowhere good in life by banging your head against a brick wall. All you do is feel awful afterward. Moreover, defending a position you should not is exhausting and pointless. You won’t find happiness or contentment through recalcitrant anger, only through positive action. Are there areas in your life where you feel stuck and dissatisfied? What are you doing differently to change this dynamic?
I’m not sure about you, but I have a defensive, almost visceral, negative reaction when someone becomes overly angry. In addition, if the emotional reaction is disproportionate or out of context, then I start to wonder about that person’s mental stability and if there may be something deeper going on. Unfortunately, nothing will ever really change unless that same person is willing to open up a bit and dig deeper into the root cause of their outburst. Negative patterns emerge just as easily as positive ones. Ironically, and sadly, people tend to hold on tightly to what is holding them back. They dig in at the very time they should let go. Pride can be a big obstacle in our lives if we are not careful. What, if anything, are you holding onto that you should let go of?
Always remember that what isn’t said is often more important than what is. The lack of honest conversation only delays the inevitable and heightens the reaction. Anger is typically the result of someone feeling wronged or hurt. Fear often lurks in the background. These feelings may be justified or not, but that is irrelevant from at least one person’s perspective. You must understand what caused the pain before you can effectively deal with it. Are there places in your life where you are causing or receiving too much pain? Why? How can you begin the healing process?
Resolution of differences between two or more people only ever comes through open and honest communication, devoid of excessive judgment. People who are overly judgmental are usually angry about something. They also tend to be poor listeners. The most judgmental behavior is often based on emotion rather than facts. If you have ever argued with someone who has a poor grasp of the facts, you know what I am saying. They attack you rather than listen. Is there anyone you need to listen to more and talk at less? Is it possible you could be wrong or partially misinformed about something? Are you ever open to different points of view?
Ultimately, some anger is deeply rooted and complex, making it challenging to work through on your own. In these instances, you should seek professional assistance to help you get through it. This is nothing to be ashamed of. Thankfully, many talented therapists are available who can and will provide help.
Anger in and of itself is not bad. Occasionally, it is even appropriate. There are no inherently bad emotions, only bad actions. You should also avoid staying in a space for too long that makes you feel bad rather than good. Embrace your feelings, but be mindful of your actions. If what you are doing is creating more, rather than less, negativity in your life, then something is amiss.
Related articles
- The Antidote to Anger (stacynelliott.wordpress.com)
- Anger (lifeasagarden.wordpress.com)
- A word about anger. (callmekaya.wordpress.com)
- 10 Life-Changing Facts About Anger (lifeaftermikhaila.wordpress.com)
- Handling anger (elmuftiamx3.wordpress.com)
- Anger (newmanlife.wordpress.com)
