It’s essential to recognize and leverage what makes you unique.
There is nothing more frustrating than trying to be what you are not. There are many books that claim you can be anything you want to be, but this is simply not true. No matter how hard I try, there are certain things I can’t do or do not do well. It has saddened me to watch so many people regularly set themselves up for failure by holding unrealistic expectations about what is possible for themselves and others. Instead of trying to force yourself into a role, career, or opportunity that isn’t right for you, why not embrace who you are, what makes you special, and tap into that?
We all have unique talents we can share and excel at. Unfortunately, at an early age, we are thrust into an educational/social system that pushes us to conform and defines what success within this system should look like. And like most ingrained systems, the model is outdated and serves the purpose of prior generations. Early on in life, we are taught that there are winners and losers and that winning requires certain characteristics and attributes that only a select few possess. Moreover, the path towards achievement is narrowly defined and often materialistic. This partially explains our dysfunctional societal obsession with celebrity and wealth. Please don’t buy into it!
One of the things that amazes me in life is the diversity among us all. Sure, there are obvious physical similarities, but on any given day, I meet people who blow me away with their individuality:
- I’ve witnessed creative minds that operate on a level I can’t even fathom.
- Some of us are introverts, while others are extroverts.
- Some people can fix anything mechanical with little guidance, while others get quickly frustrated when things break.
- I’ve observed many talented individuals who enjoy working with their hands, as well as others who prefer not to get dirty.
- I know individuals who can solve complex mathematical problems in their heads and others who need to work through things more methodically.
- I’ve witnessed people who are quick on their feet and handle any social situation effectively, and others who are more reserved and cautious in their public interactions.
- Some people thrive under stress while others fall apart.
- Science is fun for certain people and boring for others.
- Some people enjoy reading, others prefer listening, and some even prefer watching.
- There are people so physically gifted they make any athletic activity look smooth and easy, while others stumble attempting the most basic physical task.
- Some individuals seek the spotlight, and others shy away from it.
- Some people enjoy leading, while many others prefer to avoid it.
The list goes on and on. Our differences are vast and wonderful. None of the above is good or bad; it just makes you who you are. And, the more we try to put ourselves in situations where we are pre-programmed to thrive, the happier we will be.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has written extensively about a state of being known as “flow,” where one feels perfectly aligned with what they are doing. Time seems to stand still; you feel an innate sense of joy, and your efforts feel almost effortless. At this moment, you are one with nature and your own being. We’ve all experienced these moments, but sadly, they are usually exceedingly rare. Reality quickly returns, and we are back on the treadmill of life, trying to survive our existence by doing what we feel we should be doing. I’ve never liked the word “should.” Of course, there are family and civic responsibilities we must attend to; however, this is only part of who we are, not all of it. I’ve been privileged to encounter several individuals who have pursued what Joseph Campbell termed their “bliss” and lived extraordinary lives, doing unique things that an objective outsider couldn’t imagine would lead to any level of success, but it did. Never forget that true success is an individual definition. Happy people make better spouses, parents, siblings, friends, and bosses.
Shakespeare stated it perfectly centuries ago: “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” To be of maximum service and value to others, we must first be true to ourselves. Please don’t spend a lifetime trying to be someone you are not. Instead, celebrate and tap into what is wonderful about you already. Pay attention to the positive signals the world is giving you. Look for and be open to the flow of life, and it will find you.