I’m very concerned about the artificial reality we are creating for kids today. Everyone gets a medal or an award. Disappointment and/or adversity are to be avoided at all costs. We are also teaching our children that they are the center of the family universe, and everything revolves around them: their needs, wants, and so on. If we let them think everything they do is exceptional, then ultimately nothing they do will be. We allow them to continually isolate themselves socially and retreat into the comfort of impersonal technological communication without understanding the dynamics of human and social interaction. We worship their youth but then push them to grow up quickly and act more mature than they actually are (or should be). It’s almost as if a whole generation of parents is trying to make up for perceived deficiencies from their childhood. We are forgetting how to be parents, coaches, and teachers and instead striving to become friends, cheerleaders, and positive psychologists.
I can readily see the impact of these misguided attitudes on younger employees entering the workforce today. They are irreverent, have poor work habits, expect rapid advancement and gratification, and struggle mightily when things don’t go their way. Sure, they care more deeply about things, but only those things that interest them and their limited perception of reality, rather than what constitutes the greater good. They have strong, albeit inexperienced, opinions on issues, yet very rarely exhibit the courage of their convictions. They often lack initiative or drive and expect things to align in their favor, as it suits their interests. The more they get, the more they want, and the less joy they derive from the privilege of receiving.
The goal of any society should be to secure the future of the next generation by providing them with the skills, talents, and attitudes necessary for both survival and success. It is a certainty that every generation will have to deal with some level of ambiguity and challenge as they assume responsibility for their destiny (and that of others). The world is becoming increasingly interconnected, complex, and dynamic every day. More, not less, will be required of the leaders in the future. It won’t be enough for them to expect things to turn out okay. They will have to make tough choices, manage conflict, and exhibit the strength of personal character and judgment.
Our kids need to understand that things don’t always work out as planned, and they must learn and grow from these experiences. They need to appreciate that there is a direct correlation between effort and outcomes. Hard work is not only required, but it should also be valued. They must respect the fact that success requires the ability to be competitive and that winning, by its very nature, means there will be losers and varying levels of rewards. Moreover, critical thinking is more than just “googling” the answer. They need to think through and defend their opinions and positions with sound judgment and analysis. Lastly, true growth and happiness in life require a certain level of personal awareness and sacrifice, including sometimes prioritizing the needs of others over short-term gain.
Please don’t consider this just a rant but a wake-up call. We are not doing our kids a favor by setting them up for disappointment and failure. There aren’t enough therapists and proven medications to adequately address the issue, nor should there be. Life is a hero’s journey, and the hero is born out of his/her ability to navigate the inevitable twists and turns along the journey. It is also a function of an individual’s ability to honestly look in the mirror and take responsibility for their actions and decisions.
In most cases, assuming the role of victim is a choice. We will all confront adversity and experience loss throughout our lives. And, we will either grow or wither as a result of this reality. Parents (and other adults in a child’s life) will either build a strong or shaky foundation to help prepare them for their longer and more complex adult human experience. Besides providing the basics of survival and creating a loving environment, our primary job as parents is to foster and create a sense of growing self-confidence and independence within our children coupled with positive character values, including a strong work ethic, personal humility and responsibility, respect and caring for others, and the need for individual resilience/fortitude (regardless of what may happen). I also include faith in this equation, but that is, of course, a personal choice.
For all our kids, the holes in the safety net will only grow larger over time, and they will need to chart their own course in the rocky seas of life. We do them (and society) a disservice to think otherwise.
Related articles
- Parenting and Leadership (theevolvingdad.wordpress.com)
- Parenting and Leadership: A Little Humility Goes A Long Way (theevolvingdad.wordpress.com)
- 8 Ways to NOT Spoil Your Kids (everydayfamily.com)
- ‘Top Dog’: How to raise a winning child (cnn.com)
- Born to be different (cgdelarey.wordpress.com)