As evidenced lately, things can unravel quickly. Unfortunately, we currently live in incredibly stressful times. People are more on edge than usual. I fear that as this pandemic continues, people will become even more tense. Furthermore, our collective inattention is exacerbating long-standing social problems. I’ve witnessed decent individuals, who typically maintain a calm demeanor, rapidly lose their composure. I’ve witnessed much more aggressive driving on the roads, despite the fact that there are fewer vehicles. I’ve seen people send emails they wouldn’t have sent if they’d thought it through a bit more. I’ve witnessed individuals nearly clash over the necessity of wearing a mask in public. There is a lot of pressure on all of us right now, and we need to understand and be cognizant of this fact.
Of course, all human relationships are bound to have some level of tension. We will never agree on everything. External events can exacerbate the pressure on these relationships, making agreement even more challenging. I believe that a chasm has been slowly forming beneath the surface in our society. The ties that bind us together don’t feel that strong anymore. We were aware of this reality, but we hadn’t realized how deep or severe the situation really was. There had already been unscrupulous forces intent on pushing us apart for their own benefit. Then COVID-19 happened. Then, the unfortunate and tragic incident involving George Floyd occurred. Sadly, the list goes on and on lately, especially if you watch the nightly news. What we focus on always expands.
I truly believe that we have the choice every day to approach our fellow human beings in a certain way. Is it with a critical eye? Is it from an overly judgmental point of view? Or is it with some empathy, compassion, and grace? No one will make us happy or agree with us all the time. In fact, the journey of personal contentment and happiness is most often an inner one. Today, more than ever, we must be mindful of our actions and the emotional responses we have to one another. Don’t risk a bright future because of the intensity of the moment.
I used to wonder as a child how families fought on opposite sides of the Civil War. How could brothers stand across from each other on a battlefield and shoot at one another? Why does politics get so tribal so quickly? What triggers violence so easily? What is it about the human psyche that pushes us toward division and disagreement? Why do we so passionately attach ourselves to our opinions? Why must strangers suffer tragic, unfortunate deaths before we begin to care about them? Why is it so important to make the other person wrong rather than strive to uncover what is right? Recently, I’ve witnessed accomplished professional men who are fond of each other escalate a disagreement as if someone ignited a spark in their relationship. I’ve also seen long-standing groups experience unhealthy tension over perceived value disconnections. All of this makes me both sad and wary.
Things can unravel rapidly in our families, friendships, businesses, communities, and nation if we are not careful. We need to do a better job of assuming positive intent from others. It’s okay to be skeptical. Science moves forward based on some level of skepticism. However, it’s not okay to become cynical and distrust everyone and everything. It’s not okay to form strong opinions without researching to understand the issues fully. Expertise garnered over years of arduous work and sacrifice should be respected, not disregarded, because we don’t like the conclusions. It’s inappropriate to personally attack someone because they disagree with you. It’s not acceptable to use unkind and vulgar rhetoric when referring to other people, regardless of their political views.
In this country, I believe there has always been a tension between individual freedom and collective responsibility. By nature, Americans tend to prefer autonomy and independence, doing what we want when we want to. We’re fine with supporting the freedoms of others as long as they don’t encroach on our own perceived freedoms. The Founding Fathers were aware of these principles and sought to protect minority rights from the majority’s systems and behaviors. A democracy welcomes differences of opinion. As long as we assemble and express our views legally, we have the right to do so. They went to extreme lengths to establish our collective responsibility to one another. They were also men influenced by the Era of the Enlightenment, where facts and reason were deemed to take priority over personal superstitions, unfounded beliefs, and overly emotional behavior. They also understood that “checks and balances,” which diffuse public power and control interest group influence, were critical to our nation’s survival. Moreover, let’s also not forget that they were staunch advocates of freedom of the press and the importance of the Fourth Estate.
I believe that most of us will do the right thing if provided the opportunity. Historically, we have tended to rally together during a crisis. It has been our saving grace. I also believe that the quality of our public leadership does have an impact on this. Feels like this is lacking now. As I’ve stated in a previous blog, it’s much easier to divide than to unify. Keeping people focused on achieving important but often difficult goals through shared personal sacrifice and negotiating common ground is hard work. Inspiring them to maintain this commitment and effort even harder. Winning elections at all costs shouldn’t be the primary goal of our elected officials. It’s even more important what they do with power once they get there. Is it in service to others or themselves? As the saying goes, “power and money reveal character.”
As time passes, please be mindful of the current situation and its impact on everyone (not just you). Please give your fellow man or woman the benefit of the doubt. Offer others the gift of grace over harsh judgment. Avoid making hasty assumptions about the intentions of individuals you don’t even know, let alone your close friends and colleagues. Don’t try to connect the dots by creating dots that serve your personal biases. Even if it’s hard, trust that our civil servants care about doing the right thing. What real reason would they have to act otherwise? Don’t look for contrived examples to justify your skepticism, but instead look for proof of progress. Don’t expect science to work miracles, but respect the scientific process. Scientific discovery always encounters obstacles. We may not all agree on the potential solutions, but I think we can all agree that our nation is currently facing significant problems. Not solving them would be bad for all of us.
Things can unravel quickly. This is an unfortunate reality of life. Friendships built over a lifetime, partnerships forged through sustained effort, and families who spent a lifetime loving one another are more fragile than we think. Let’s not let what divides us become more powerful than what unites us. Let’s sometimes agree to disagree. Let’s also agree that there are no bad emotions. Emotions are part of human life. However, there are bad actions based on those emotions. Regulating personal behavior is a responsibility of adulthood. Let’s also make sure we look in the mirror before we look out the window and point at others. All we can control are our actions and the choices we make. We are bringing either positive or negative energy to every human interaction. Let’s not look up or out to start the healing process for our nation. Instead, let’s start today with ourselves and our actions, with our friendships, with our neighbors, and in our communities. History has proven that societies that bond together during tough times through shared common goals and a higher worthy purpose always emerge stronger as a result.
Let’s make history by not unraveling!